...can be a sad, sad place.


We can't help but question why things have to happen the way they do, and wonder if things would've been different if only we had done one little thing different.


Dear Squidneyy,
You sure sound like you're going through some rough times right now. Fortunately, I hope Drama has cheered your spirits somewhat [although, leaving it must have been sad as well; I personally am sad to think that I'll never do Pit ever again].

It probably doesn't mean much, but I'm sorry for your loss of CJ. I still remember him[?] chirping non-stop during our review session and how we tried to whistle back at it. [At least...I think it was him. Unless you have/had more than one bird....]
I feel guilty for having to admit that I never paid that much attention to your bird[s?], but that doesn't stop me from remembering what little role it played in my life and what happy/funny memory it engraved in my mind from being at your house.

Although, apologizing for your loss makes me realize something: I don't think people, such as siblings, would apologize to each other for a mutual loss [such as the loss of a parent]. Maybe because it's mutual? Whereas amonst friends and acquaintanes, they apologize to express an apology, but maybe they don't really feel the sorrow. That's one more boundary between 'what we've truly experienced' and 'what we can only try to imagine,' I guess.

Sincerely,
Faye.

...can be a very controversial place.

I think I've gotten a taste today of how amazingly controversial this world can get. When you realize that either you or the other person is living in an imaginary world, you know for a FACT that something has gone terribly wrong.

And then when you start thinking about how controversial people can get...oh boy.
And as I type this, I do make a mental note that I'm being very controversial as well. I admit that on the inside, I believe that I am right and that the other person is wrong. However, I just can't think of a way how things would be the other way around, meaning that the other person is right and that I'm wrong. I just can't. And it amazes me, because I simply just...don't understand.
I kind of drifted away from the controversy though, and to get straight to the point, here it is:

The world becomes amazingly controversial when you think that the other person has been doing something to you all along, just to find out from a mutual[? - the other term would be biased] friend that the other person has thought that of you all along.

And since I feel like I'm being way-overdramatic about this whole...ordeal...which is also controversial because I personally didn't think that I liked overdramatic people very much...which would also mean that I wouldn't like myself very much right now, and so, I'm just going to end with this:

There is an interesting world revolving around us.

Labels: controversies, Dear so-and-so..., goodbyes, the world

...you fail to realize that maybe you're really not.


Dear Squidneyy,
"I'm sorry you feel that way." honestly is the first thing that comes to mind, but clearly, that's not what you want to hear. So instead, I'll tell you something that you might actually want to hear.

For people like us who are so used to "giving our all" all the time, we can't help but come across times when we wonder why people just don't understand. We do so much, they do so little. We're used to being expected-of, yet we are often unable to expect. We're constantly relied on because we're reliable but when times get hard, we find that we ourselves have no one to rely on. We contribute, but recieve no contribution ourselves. So as a result, we think: "This is it, this is the end."
We're so used to doing so much that we feel it's impossible to do any more. But no one cares about how we feel. While the expecations keep coming, our patience wears thin. We start to feel that "life is unfair."

It is hard to keep up a tough front, to pretend that everything's okay when it's not, to have to waste your time with people who don't actually care.
But you know what? I think that what you need isn't pity (obviously). You need understanding. You need someone to tell you "I know how that feels." You think that you're left all alone in the world, but I don't think that you are. I'm sure that there are other people out there who feel the same way you do right now. You don't need someone to feel bad for you, you need someone to feel bad with you.

Unfortunately, it's impossible to have a perfect life. There will always be something missing. Someone who is poor will wish that they were rich, but rich people have so much money that they don't know where to spend it. People with good grades will wish that they could be average, just so there wouldn't be so much pressure from being at the top, but people with lesser grades will wish that they could have as-high of a GPA as those that are "smarter" than them.
It's good that you recognize how blessed your life is, but it's okay to not be genuinely happy. We can only live one life and walk down one path; we can't help but wonder "what would life be like if things were different?" Since it's impossible to have everything in life, there's always going to be something that's missing, something that creates a gaping hole on the inside.

Remember the happy moments. If there were no "downs" in life, then there would be no "ups" either. Because there are "downs" in life, the "ups" that we come across become that much more pleasant, that much more enjoyable, that much more..."this is the happiest moment of my life."

For you, I have four quotes.

"Even if it's cheap, an alcohol that you deem delicious is the best alcohol. Even if you're poor, a life that you deem happy is the best life." --from the Japanese drama, "Bartender"

I believe that if you look at things from a pessimistic point of view, then you will see things as 'horrible' no matter how good they might actually be. Likewise, if you view things from an optimistic point of view, life might just get that much better. Although I understand that it is hard to maintain an optimistic point of view sometimes, I encourage you to try your best.
Your dad yells at you because he wants you to be better. There are times when we subconciously change; we can't tell the difference, but people around us can. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not calling you "disrespectful, untrustworthy, selfish, [or] inconsiderate", I'm just saying it as something to think about. I don't know if you've done it already, but take a step back and look at who you are now compared to who you used to be. Are you really still the same person? Or have you changed in some minor, minuscule way? If you've changed for the better, then continue to be who you are. If not, then keep an eye out and try not to stray off your path.
Your "sister has anxiety issues and isn't doing well in school because [you're] not spending enough time with her" just proves to show how attached to you she is and how much she loves you. I have a friend who's little sister [who just might be the same age as your sister?] might not even know that her older sister is going to college.
Your teachers are disappointed in you because they know and believe that you can do so much better.
I'm no mindreader and I don't have psychic abilities either, so I could possibly be completely off on this. But if you take one step to the left, or take one step to the right, or even take one step back, you might just start looking at things from a different point of view than you were before.
Our goal in life isn't to make life harder than it already is; our goal in life is to live through it and enjoy it as much as we can. If you can, don't waste time thinking about all the bad times and looking at the bad things. Think about the good times; take a look at the good things.
Or, find an alternate escape. I watch asian dramas and read fanfics and think, "What if my life was like that?" I put myself in their shoes and "experience living their lives for a day" before I have to go back to my own. Maybe you just need a break from life; not a permanent one, but a temporary one. Live life in someone else's shoes for a day [or even two] before going back to your own. Maybe you'll find things different by then.

And awkwardly straying into the second quote...

'Having something you want is evidence that you're still living in this world. If there is something that you want so badly that you would die for it, that means that "I am still alive and well".' --from the Japanese drama, "Q10"

Don't be afraid to have desires in life. It's perfectly normal; trust me. What's good is that you acknowledge the fact that you are blessed, because I'm sure there are people out there who live their entire lives without ever realizing how much they really have.
We sometimes question why things happen, but some of those might just be answers that we never find. Life your life the way you were meant to live it; I'm sure that one day, you'll find yourself to be more loved than you [seem to?] think you are. Sometimes, people don't realize certain things until they're gone, never to come back again.

And last but not least, quotes numbers three and four:

"If you're alive, you can start over. No one has the right to take that away." --from the Japanese movie, "Death Note 3: L Change the World" (said by L/Lawliet)

The decisions that you choose to make are up to you, but remember this: mistakes are made to be learned from, and bad experiences exist to make the good experiences even better. That is what I believe. If there are people that make you feel like you don't belong, then the day that you discover where you do belong, you will know.

"No one sets the regulations about how things are 'supposed to be.' That's your own checkpoint/barrier. You have to learn how to overcome it by yourself." --from the Taiwanese drama, "Death Girl"

That's life. You decide how it's lived, and how you're going to live it.
Are you going to let those barriers get the best of you, or are you going to live through it, overcome it, and move on to something greater and better? [I sure do hope you choose the latter.]
After you cross this barrier, you'll be a lot stronger than you were before. I believe that you can do it!

Don't feel like you're alone, because I've felt like you at one point in my life too; I too have felt that "It's time to just give up" feeling. I was about to give up on math last year after first quarter; I didn't finish the homework before the unit test and I just wanted to disappear. I cried at 5 AM after staying up all night trying to finish all the homeworks and thought "What am I doing with my life? Why do I have to do all of this? Why do I have to strive for these grades that I continually fail to get?" I cried again when I went to go talk to my teacher in the morning and confess that I hadn't finished the homework. It was hard to force myself to stop crying after I'd walked back into the school building.
It's okay to cry in public because sometimes, you just have to cry.

Cry out all your tears in one go, let out all that you've been feeling during this time. After you're done, stand back up and start walking again. When you do, we'll all meet you on the other side with open arms.

When you think you're alone, you fail to realize that maybe you're really not. So realize us. Turn around and see that we are standing right by your side.

Labels: Dear so-and-so..., loneliness