...alone.

Loneliness. What kind of people do you think are the loneliest?

I think that there are two types of people in the world that are the loneliest. Those that don't seem like they're lonely, and those that constantly say that they're not alone.

Let's take a moment to think first about people who don't seem like they're lonely. Why not? Well you could probably categorize these people under two categories - those that "have people around them" and those that "seem like they do just fine on their own."
So what about those that always have other people around them? Are those people not just a temporary existence?

Like ice that numbs the heart for as long as it can stay cold before it melts away and becomes nothing but room-temperature water, what if all those people just started leaving and one day completely disappeared?

You can be surrounded with people by day, but when you lay down in bed at night and take a moment to stop and think, how many true friends do you really have? How many of those "true friends" do you think will really be there with you until the world ends? How many of those "true friends" will you still be able to contact ten, twenty, thirty, even forty years from now? It happens so much, so often...and before you even realize it, you're alone.

Okay, well what about those other people who seem like they're fine with being alone, just because sometimes, they choose to be alone? That's the exact reason why they're probably the loneliest. Because no one thinks they're lonely, or that they actually get lonely. Rarely is there ever anyone who stops to consider the possibilities that maybe, just maybe, they might actually be lonely.

What if, for the sake of the people they love, the people they care about, they can't help but try to put a smile on their faces - to convince everyone that they're happy and that there's nothing wrong and nothing to worry about?

No one understands. No one even thinks that there's anything to understand. But in fact, they might be one of the loneliest kinds of people out there in the world.


Now what about those people that say they're not alone? It's like reverse psychology in a sense. If you read between the lines, maybe they're just trying to convince themselves that they are not alone.

They feel so alone that they have to find reasons to persuade their minds and their souls to make themselves think that they don't actually feel alone.

It's like getting better from a placebo effect - you're not alone, so you're not lonely.



But you know what?

That's life.

We do things, we make mistakes, we tell ourselves not to get hurt again, but then it happens all over again. To lose touch with your "best friends" the first time around and then decide never to make friends ever again is just running away - running away due to a fear of loss and pain so that you'll never have to face life ever again.

Stand back up from where you fall.

This is your life, you are not your life's. Have you ever fallen from running and skinned your knees? Did you stop running after that? Hopefully not. There are just too many good things to pass up in life. Think about it.

Without all the so-called "bad things" that happen in life, you wouldn't understand how amazing and great the "good things" truly are.

So what if you may never see your friends again? So what if you don't stay together forever? You can't live in the past because you're already living in the present. But you know what? Even though you can't live in the past, that doesn't mean that you can try to live in the future.

You're living in the present. So, live well!

That way, you'll have good memories to reminisce in the future.

Your memories are part of what make you who you are.

Chances are, you probably wouldn't be who you are today if not for who you were in the past. Your past experiences combined with all your memories are what make you you. To live in the past would be to walk backwards - you'll only get farther and farther away from those that were once right next to you. To live in the future would be to miss out on what is currently happening around you because you weren't truly there in the present to live and experience it all.

It's okay if you don't end up together forever, because in reality, no one knows what will happen in the future. If your fate with someone only goes this far, then there's nothing to be done about it. The only thing we can do is try our best to hold on tight and hope that it doesn't end. But perhaps one day, fate will let you meet again. Hopefully by then, you will be strong enough to grasp firmly onto that fate and follow after it.

Words like "together forever" and "I am not alone," they reflect the hopes and wishes of the people who say them. Everyone wants at least someone to be with them, "together and forever." Everyone wants to believe that they "are not alone." That's the reason why we meet people and establish friendships. We all lack confidence. We're all alone. With that said, hold on for as long as you can. If the time comes, let it go. You may never see it again, but like a bird that once stayed because of a broken wing, perhaps one day it will return.

In life, there are bound to be people you meet, spend time with, and never see again. On the other hand, that also means that there must be people that you'll meet, spend time with, and one day meet again.

Labels: appreciating, close to the heart, crying out to the center of the world, feelings, friendship, hopes and wishes, I don't wanna be..., living life, loneliness, memories, who you are, words

...from the heart.

Have you ever written an essay where you had no idea what you were writing, what you were supposed to be writing, and how you were supposed to continue writing it? This might be one of those things that 'only those who have experienced it' would know.

There are two things that I dislike about "writing".

One. Writing that is going to be read from another person's point of view, and
Two. Writing something that obviously doesn't wish to be written.

Let's start with the first one, "Writing that is going to be read from another person's point of view."
Now see, most people would probably say something like, "Of course, if you're writing something to be read, the person reading it is going to be thinking from their point of view."
However, I'm not talking about a regular-kind of "let me read your paper" here. I'm talking about situations such as "Oh? You wrote about why --insert sensitive topic here-- should be made legal? Allow me to give you a lower grade because I don't agree with your argument."

That my friends, is what we call "bias."
"Bias" is often a result of personal opinion. Of course, everyone has a right to their own opinions. However, "opinions" create an issue when they take part in "judging".
Perhaps that paper on --insert sensitive topic here-- was actually really well written. But due to bias, it failed be considered a "good paper" because of a simple "I don't agree". That "I don't agree" however, was directed towards the --insert sensitive topic here--. Similar to the saying,

It's not about how much work you've done. Rather, it's about how well you've done your work.

and all other says similar to it, sometimes,

Judgement really shouldn't be made based on what you wrote about. Rather, judgement should be made based on how well you wrote about it, regardless of what it was.

So from this point of view, you can see why I don't like "writing that is going to be read from another person's point of view."
[Note: This debate on writing/reading/grading-bias does not apply to certain cases where you actually are being graded on content.]


As for the second one, "Writing something that obviously doesn't want to be written."
Personally, I hate forcing ideas out of my head. I hate having to write essays about topics that I don't understand, and topics that I have nothing to say about. How am I supposed to express my thoughts about something if I have none?

I believe that the best way to write, is to write the way you think.

BE the characters in your story. SPEAK the way you would speak if you were them. WRITE how everything would turn out if it was you living their text-on-screen, ink-on-paper lives and experiencing their stories.

So, to all the writers out there, this is what I want to say.
Writing is a gift, unique to every single one of us. We all have our own ways of writing, our own ways of choosing and using certain words, our own ways to express our ideas, our thoughts, our selves.
Write what you want to write. Say what you want to say.

Writers, unite and express yourselves the way a true writer is supposed to express themselves.

Tell the world the words that are coming from your heart!

Labels: advice, bias, experiences, judging, opinion, To all the writers..., writing

...for all that I have in my life.

I once said that "humans have the tendency to judge", but forgive me, I think I'll have to edit that sentence a bit. I think that humans have the tendency to judge the people around them. I also think that humans have the tendency to forget to judge themselves. We are often too busy looking at all the people around us, envying what they have, wishing for what they own, but most people [I think] rarely think about how great their own lives are.

A lot of the time, we say or think "Oh, I would LOVE to have this!" about something that we really don't need to survive in live. At other times, we might wish that a certain person or thing didn't exist so that we wouldn't have to deal with them [or it] in our lives. However, when we think or say these things, we often forget that there are people out there in the world who have no food, no money, no water, no shelter from the rain, no place to sleep at night, no clothes to wear, no family to live with or talk to, no siblings to play with, and all sorts of other things that many others living comfortably in the world always seem to take for granted.

Labels: judging, thanks

...but you can't see yourself.

I think that humans have the tendency to judge. We judge the people around us and deem them as either [in the most general sense] "people we agree with" or "people we disagree with". "Agreeing" or "disagreeing" with them simply means that we think their actions and behavior is justified, or that we think their actions and behavior is not justified for the situation.

Have you ever had anyone tell you not to do something, and then have you turn around and find them doing exactly what they had just told you not to do?

For these situations, there's that [harsh in some ways] saying:

Why don't you go look at yourself in the mirror?

It's rare [and I think even hard] to always look at and judge yourself while standing in the shoes of another. We like to think that we are "right" and they are "wrong", and it's human nature [I guess you could call it] to be ambitious and desire to win. However, I think that it is good to try to stand in the shoes of another [even if you think the shoes don't fit] and try to understand the acknowledge their point of view. I'm not saying that you have to agree with them - just try to be open-minded and accept their differing views on things.

At times, our parents might nag us and tell us not to do certain things and that it's "for our own good". As someone who has experienced that in the past, I personally don't think that "it's for your own good" is a very good reason to 'do' or 'not do' anything. I mean, what if someone told you to jump off a bridge because "it's for your own good"? You're obviously not going to do it, even if they actually "told you the reason" for doing it.
I think that some things in life we just have to find out for ourselves. Some day in the future, we might think back and say "I wish I had never done that," or "I wish I had done that differently", but that's the process of life. Throughout our lives, we'll make decisions and make mistakes, and build up on regrets for the future. There are times in life when you just really don't, can't, and won't take someone's word for something, but that's okay. If you make a bad choice, then you'll suffer the consequences. It's your life; live it your way.

Even if someone says that something is for our own good, don't let someone tell you what to do with our life and let them live it for you. It's okay to live you own way, make your own choices, do what you want to do. Sure, you'll make mistakes and have regrets, but as I said before: that's life.

Labels: acceptance, advice, controversies, experiences, judging, living life, reminders

...just once is enough.

Such as when we make a big mistake, and we know that we made a big mistake. Most of the time, it's obvious enough, I think. I guess it kind of depends on the person though. Allow me to explain.

When one gets into their first car accident, for near-car-accident, whatever, I would like to imagine that most people in the world have a little side-effect that stays behind with that. A side-effect named "fear". Now of course, that isn't everyone in the world - I'm sure that there are those that get into car accidents, wreck up their car, heal up whatever injuries they may have recieved, and set out driving at a dangerous speed again the next day. Now those people could probably use a bit of reprimanding.
However, those that would walk out of the car accident and immediately reflect back on their own actions are not in need of extra-and-continuous reprimanding, I think. If they had felt something along the lines of "I couldn't feel any worse right now"... well, I think reprimanding them even more would reject that thought immediately.

It doesn't matter if the person just crashed a car, or if they just lost their favorite pair of newly-bought sunglasses that haven't even been owned for a whole twenty-four hours, or if they twisted their ankle as a result of backing down a ladder too quickly and thinking that they were closer to the ground than they actually were. A first-time mistake is a mistake that anyone could make.

In my opinion, first-time accidents are acceptable. We are all human, we all make mistakes. Things happen. That's okay. But what's important is that we learn from those mistakes. If we make the mistkae the first time, then fine. It happened. Just make sure it doesn't happen again.

On a final note, rambling on and on and continuously talking reminding a person about their mistake or accident right after it just happened is unnecessary. Again, as if they didn't feel bad enough about it already. [Now, if they crashed a car or lost something important and looked like they could care less about what just happened, rambling and reminding and reprimanding would be acceptable. However, if the person is already in a bad mood is on the verge of tears, more rambling and reminding and reprimanding will just make the tears want to come out now matter how hard the person is trying to keep them in.]

So remember, please, read the atmosphere. If a person's life is miserable enough already because they just crashed their favorite car, lost their favorite glasses, or unfortunately sprained their ankle out of pure carelessness, don't make their lives more miserable.

In some situations, we may say that they need to "learn their lesson" so that accidents don't happen again the next time, but for some people, isn't one time enough?

If they got injured, broke or lost an arm, isn't that injury already a reminder of the mistake they had made? Perhaps not everyone in the world may break or lose a body part in their lifetime, but those that do, don't you think that they remember that time when they couldn't move their dominant arm, or couldn't walk around the house normally, or couldn't get out of bed? Sure, many of us might not think about those moments all the time, those moments when we were handicapped in some sort of way and couldn't live our lives the way we "normally" would have, but we've been through them. We just might not always think of what it was like 'back then'. Personally, I urge you to think about those moments sometimes. It just might make you cherish life that much more.

If they lost something, isn't that loss already a "missing momento" in their lives, something that they would've had with them if they had not made that mistake? That loss, that lack of whatever-they-had-lost will forever be missing in their lives. Maybe they'll think about it occassionally and wonder what happened to it and where it ended up.

If you visited a site or downloaded and installed a program with immediately infected your computer with viruses, would you still go back and visit that site or download and install that program again? I would say that most people wouldn't.

If you touched a pot and reflexively pulled your hand back because it was hot, would you go touch that pot again knowing that it is too hot to hold? I would say that no one would, unless they were a masochist....

If you made a big careless mistake or got yourself into an accident, wouldn't you feel bad enough about it already? Wouldn't you already be yelling at yourself in your head asking yourself how you could have possibly let this happen? If you are, then for most people, having someone else yell at you for wrecking the car, ramble on about what you were thinking or doing that ended up making that huge mistake, or reprimand you for not being careful enough would just make you feel even worse and guilty, as if you weren't already feeling horrible about it in the first place.
For some, they would get irritated - they know they made a mistake, and it's obvious that they need to be even more careful and pay more attention now. They don't need another person rambling on behind them as if they didn't already know they had just made a big mistake.
For others, they'd just take the blame and the lectures and dump all the guilt on themselves and live with it.

The next time you feel like reprimanding someone for something they did, think about the situation. Put yourself in their shoes. If you were them, would you want someone rambling on about being more careful and not being so careless and other things at that time? Or do you think you would just like some peace and quiet for you to gather your thoughts, calm down, and figure out how you're going to deal with the situation? If you think you would like to get reprimanded, then think from the other person's point of view before you start talking. If you that they are the type of person that is already regretting their decisions and blaming and yelling at themselves on the inside, then let it go and try to help them as much as you can - don't be an even greater burden to them if they are already burdening themselves. However, if you know that the other person is the type that blames everything else and the world for all their misfortunes, well then maybe you should talk to them and tell them that it isn't just the world's fault - it's theirs too.

When I stand here on the ground, everything looks the way I expect it to look. But when I stand up here on the table, everything looks different. The world hasn't changed, but I have. My position, my point of view, the way I view the world has changed.

Labels: accidents, consideration, feelings, learning lessons, mistakes, reading the atmosphere, reminders, reprimanding

...we don't say anything.

As if we don't exist. If we chose not to say anything, if we chose not to exist, then no one would have to deal with our differences, no one would feel trouble or inconvenienced by our opinions, and everyone else would be happy.

Yes, happy. Everyone else. Everyone else except ourselves. Probably. Or maybe we should just live our whole lives happily knowing that everyone else around us is happy. It seems that things used to be easier back then; why do things seem so much harder now?

Which way is better? Inconveniencing yourself for the sake of others to make them happy? Or inconveniencing others for the sake of making yourself happy? Which way is "the way" to live?
If we inconvenience ourselves, we'll stay on everyone's "good side," but some will say we are selfless, too selfless, even. Some may even encourage us to not be so selfless. But that's because they care for us, truly, and want us to be happy too.
If we inconvenience others, then people will say we are selfish. We'll be on everyone's "bad side," just because we don't know how to cooperate and be open to other ideas. People will talk about us behind our backs, and no one will want to come looking for us to do things, work together, etc. because they'll expect us to always care about ourselves first.


Most people are selfish, I think. There only seem to be a rare handful that can be defined as selfless. That's because being selfless is tiring. There are things you want to do, but you never really get to do them because there's always someone who wants to do something else and you always choose to let them have their way. You "don't care" about most things in order to let others do things their way and be able to express and get their own preferences. People continue to ask for your opinion, and you continue to not care. Being selfless, you will help others whenever they ask you to, even if it means having to stay up an extra hour in order to finish your own tasks. You think about others before you think about yourself. You try to choose your words wisely so that you won't upset anyone by saying the wrong thing. You care more about others than you do yourself, and you take care of others before heading back to take care of yourself. You're the person that everyone seems to depend on because they know that you can depend on you, that you'll always be there for them, that you'll always find a way to reach a hand out to them whenever they need you even if your hands were already full.

However if you are 'selfish,' you'll care about yourself first. You won't think much of helping other people; you just want to get what you want and be done with it. If there's someone else who needs help then well, maybe you'll come back later and help them if you're feeling charitable. You always express your opinions because you want to be heard, because you need to make sure that people know what you want and acknowledge what you think. You don't hesitate to argue for what you want and openly tell people what you want without any intention of backing down. You want people to give in and give up and admit that you are superior to them, that you are right.


So which is better? Which is right? Which way should we choose to live?

The world seemed to be so much better before, without the clash in opinions, without all this unwanted hate. Without these feelings of sadness, without these tears. Without saying words that could potentially hurt people even though we all know that I mean no harm, without losing that barrier of control that reminded me not to say the wrong things. Without these thoughts rushing through my head, without these tears that flow out from my eyes. Without this feeling that not a single person in this world understands me. Without realizing that I don't belong in this world. Without feeling that I really am that different.

The world is perfect when we don't say anything.

//

...we cry.

We cry because we feel pain ourselves.
We cry becaues we feel the pain of others.
We cry because we're sad, lonely, hurt, or misunderstood.
We cry because we no longer feel like we belong in this world.
We cry because we just want to disappear forever.


But why didn't I remember that there are people who cry "tears of joy"? Maybe that's because I've never cried tears of joy. Never.


I've only ever cried due to pain. The pain that I feel, and the pain of others.

So this is why we cry.

Labels: caring, happiness, living life, not caring, perfection, questions, reasons, selfishness, selflessness, the world

...can be a sad, sad place.


We can't help but question why things have to happen the way they do, and wonder if things would've been different if only we had done one little thing different.


Dear Squidneyy,
You sure sound like you're going through some rough times right now. Fortunately, I hope Drama has cheered your spirits somewhat [although, leaving it must have been sad as well; I personally am sad to think that I'll never do Pit ever again].

It probably doesn't mean much, but I'm sorry for your loss of CJ. I still remember him[?] chirping non-stop during our review session and how we tried to whistle back at it. [At least...I think it was him. Unless you have/had more than one bird....]
I feel guilty for having to admit that I never paid that much attention to your bird[s?], but that doesn't stop me from remembering what little role it played in my life and what happy/funny memory it engraved in my mind from being at your house.

Although, apologizing for your loss makes me realize something: I don't think people, such as siblings, would apologize to each other for a mutual loss [such as the loss of a parent]. Maybe because it's mutual? Whereas amonst friends and acquaintanes, they apologize to express an apology, but maybe they don't really feel the sorrow. That's one more boundary between 'what we've truly experienced' and 'what we can only try to imagine,' I guess.

Sincerely,
Faye.

...can be a very controversial place.

I think I've gotten a taste today of how amazingly controversial this world can get. When you realize that either you or the other person is living in an imaginary world, you know for a FACT that something has gone terribly wrong.

And then when you start thinking about how controversial people can get...oh boy.
And as I type this, I do make a mental note that I'm being very controversial as well. I admit that on the inside, I believe that I am right and that the other person is wrong. However, I just can't think of a way how things would be the other way around, meaning that the other person is right and that I'm wrong. I just can't. And it amazes me, because I simply just...don't understand.
I kind of drifted away from the controversy though, and to get straight to the point, here it is:

The world becomes amazingly controversial when you think that the other person has been doing something to you all along, just to find out from a mutual[? - the other term would be biased] friend that the other person has thought that of you all along.

And since I feel like I'm being way-overdramatic about this whole...ordeal...which is also controversial because I personally didn't think that I liked overdramatic people very much...which would also mean that I wouldn't like myself very much right now, and so, I'm just going to end with this:

There is an interesting world revolving around us.

Labels: controversies, Dear so-and-so..., goodbyes, the world