...but you can't see yourself.

I think that humans have the tendency to judge. We judge the people around us and deem them as either [in the most general sense] "people we agree with" or "people we disagree with". "Agreeing" or "disagreeing" with them simply means that we think their actions and behavior is justified, or that we think their actions and behavior is not justified for the situation.

Have you ever had anyone tell you not to do something, and then have you turn around and find them doing exactly what they had just told you not to do?

For these situations, there's that [harsh in some ways] saying:

Why don't you go look at yourself in the mirror?

It's rare [and I think even hard] to always look at and judge yourself while standing in the shoes of another. We like to think that we are "right" and they are "wrong", and it's human nature [I guess you could call it] to be ambitious and desire to win. However, I think that it is good to try to stand in the shoes of another [even if you think the shoes don't fit] and try to understand the acknowledge their point of view. I'm not saying that you have to agree with them - just try to be open-minded and accept their differing views on things.

At times, our parents might nag us and tell us not to do certain things and that it's "for our own good". As someone who has experienced that in the past, I personally don't think that "it's for your own good" is a very good reason to 'do' or 'not do' anything. I mean, what if someone told you to jump off a bridge because "it's for your own good"? You're obviously not going to do it, even if they actually "told you the reason" for doing it.
I think that some things in life we just have to find out for ourselves. Some day in the future, we might think back and say "I wish I had never done that," or "I wish I had done that differently", but that's the process of life. Throughout our lives, we'll make decisions and make mistakes, and build up on regrets for the future. There are times in life when you just really don't, can't, and won't take someone's word for something, but that's okay. If you make a bad choice, then you'll suffer the consequences. It's your life; live it your way.

Even if someone says that something is for our own good, don't let someone tell you what to do with our life and let them live it for you. It's okay to live you own way, make your own choices, do what you want to do. Sure, you'll make mistakes and have regrets, but as I said before: that's life.

Labels: acceptance, advice, controversies, experiences, judging, living life, reminders

...just once is enough.

Such as when we make a big mistake, and we know that we made a big mistake. Most of the time, it's obvious enough, I think. I guess it kind of depends on the person though. Allow me to explain.

When one gets into their first car accident, for near-car-accident, whatever, I would like to imagine that most people in the world have a little side-effect that stays behind with that. A side-effect named "fear". Now of course, that isn't everyone in the world - I'm sure that there are those that get into car accidents, wreck up their car, heal up whatever injuries they may have recieved, and set out driving at a dangerous speed again the next day. Now those people could probably use a bit of reprimanding.
However, those that would walk out of the car accident and immediately reflect back on their own actions are not in need of extra-and-continuous reprimanding, I think. If they had felt something along the lines of "I couldn't feel any worse right now"... well, I think reprimanding them even more would reject that thought immediately.

It doesn't matter if the person just crashed a car, or if they just lost their favorite pair of newly-bought sunglasses that haven't even been owned for a whole twenty-four hours, or if they twisted their ankle as a result of backing down a ladder too quickly and thinking that they were closer to the ground than they actually were. A first-time mistake is a mistake that anyone could make.

In my opinion, first-time accidents are acceptable. We are all human, we all make mistakes. Things happen. That's okay. But what's important is that we learn from those mistakes. If we make the mistkae the first time, then fine. It happened. Just make sure it doesn't happen again.

On a final note, rambling on and on and continuously talking reminding a person about their mistake or accident right after it just happened is unnecessary. Again, as if they didn't feel bad enough about it already. [Now, if they crashed a car or lost something important and looked like they could care less about what just happened, rambling and reminding and reprimanding would be acceptable. However, if the person is already in a bad mood is on the verge of tears, more rambling and reminding and reprimanding will just make the tears want to come out now matter how hard the person is trying to keep them in.]

So remember, please, read the atmosphere. If a person's life is miserable enough already because they just crashed their favorite car, lost their favorite glasses, or unfortunately sprained their ankle out of pure carelessness, don't make their lives more miserable.

In some situations, we may say that they need to "learn their lesson" so that accidents don't happen again the next time, but for some people, isn't one time enough?

If they got injured, broke or lost an arm, isn't that injury already a reminder of the mistake they had made? Perhaps not everyone in the world may break or lose a body part in their lifetime, but those that do, don't you think that they remember that time when they couldn't move their dominant arm, or couldn't walk around the house normally, or couldn't get out of bed? Sure, many of us might not think about those moments all the time, those moments when we were handicapped in some sort of way and couldn't live our lives the way we "normally" would have, but we've been through them. We just might not always think of what it was like 'back then'. Personally, I urge you to think about those moments sometimes. It just might make you cherish life that much more.

If they lost something, isn't that loss already a "missing momento" in their lives, something that they would've had with them if they had not made that mistake? That loss, that lack of whatever-they-had-lost will forever be missing in their lives. Maybe they'll think about it occassionally and wonder what happened to it and where it ended up.

If you visited a site or downloaded and installed a program with immediately infected your computer with viruses, would you still go back and visit that site or download and install that program again? I would say that most people wouldn't.

If you touched a pot and reflexively pulled your hand back because it was hot, would you go touch that pot again knowing that it is too hot to hold? I would say that no one would, unless they were a masochist....

If you made a big careless mistake or got yourself into an accident, wouldn't you feel bad enough about it already? Wouldn't you already be yelling at yourself in your head asking yourself how you could have possibly let this happen? If you are, then for most people, having someone else yell at you for wrecking the car, ramble on about what you were thinking or doing that ended up making that huge mistake, or reprimand you for not being careful enough would just make you feel even worse and guilty, as if you weren't already feeling horrible about it in the first place.
For some, they would get irritated - they know they made a mistake, and it's obvious that they need to be even more careful and pay more attention now. They don't need another person rambling on behind them as if they didn't already know they had just made a big mistake.
For others, they'd just take the blame and the lectures and dump all the guilt on themselves and live with it.

The next time you feel like reprimanding someone for something they did, think about the situation. Put yourself in their shoes. If you were them, would you want someone rambling on about being more careful and not being so careless and other things at that time? Or do you think you would just like some peace and quiet for you to gather your thoughts, calm down, and figure out how you're going to deal with the situation? If you think you would like to get reprimanded, then think from the other person's point of view before you start talking. If you that they are the type of person that is already regretting their decisions and blaming and yelling at themselves on the inside, then let it go and try to help them as much as you can - don't be an even greater burden to them if they are already burdening themselves. However, if you know that the other person is the type that blames everything else and the world for all their misfortunes, well then maybe you should talk to them and tell them that it isn't just the world's fault - it's theirs too.

When I stand here on the ground, everything looks the way I expect it to look. But when I stand up here on the table, everything looks different. The world hasn't changed, but I have. My position, my point of view, the way I view the world has changed.

Labels: accidents, consideration, feelings, learning lessons, mistakes, reading the atmosphere, reminders, reprimanding