...alone.

Loneliness. What kind of people do you think are the loneliest?

I think that there are two types of people in the world that are the loneliest. Those that don't seem like they're lonely, and those that constantly say that they're not alone.

Let's take a moment to think first about people who don't seem like they're lonely. Why not? Well you could probably categorize these people under two categories - those that "have people around them" and those that "seem like they do just fine on their own."
So what about those that always have other people around them? Are those people not just a temporary existence?

Like ice that numbs the heart for as long as it can stay cold before it melts away and becomes nothing but room-temperature water, what if all those people just started leaving and one day completely disappeared?

You can be surrounded with people by day, but when you lay down in bed at night and take a moment to stop and think, how many true friends do you really have? How many of those "true friends" do you think will really be there with you until the world ends? How many of those "true friends" will you still be able to contact ten, twenty, thirty, even forty years from now? It happens so much, so often...and before you even realize it, you're alone.

Okay, well what about those other people who seem like they're fine with being alone, just because sometimes, they choose to be alone? That's the exact reason why they're probably the loneliest. Because no one thinks they're lonely, or that they actually get lonely. Rarely is there ever anyone who stops to consider the possibilities that maybe, just maybe, they might actually be lonely.

What if, for the sake of the people they love, the people they care about, they can't help but try to put a smile on their faces - to convince everyone that they're happy and that there's nothing wrong and nothing to worry about?

No one understands. No one even thinks that there's anything to understand. But in fact, they might be one of the loneliest kinds of people out there in the world.


Now what about those people that say they're not alone? It's like reverse psychology in a sense. If you read between the lines, maybe they're just trying to convince themselves that they are not alone.

They feel so alone that they have to find reasons to persuade their minds and their souls to make themselves think that they don't actually feel alone.

It's like getting better from a placebo effect - you're not alone, so you're not lonely.



But you know what?

That's life.

We do things, we make mistakes, we tell ourselves not to get hurt again, but then it happens all over again. To lose touch with your "best friends" the first time around and then decide never to make friends ever again is just running away - running away due to a fear of loss and pain so that you'll never have to face life ever again.

Stand back up from where you fall.

This is your life, you are not your life's. Have you ever fallen from running and skinned your knees? Did you stop running after that? Hopefully not. There are just too many good things to pass up in life. Think about it.

Without all the so-called "bad things" that happen in life, you wouldn't understand how amazing and great the "good things" truly are.

So what if you may never see your friends again? So what if you don't stay together forever? You can't live in the past because you're already living in the present. But you know what? Even though you can't live in the past, that doesn't mean that you can try to live in the future.

You're living in the present. So, live well!

That way, you'll have good memories to reminisce in the future.

Your memories are part of what make you who you are.

Chances are, you probably wouldn't be who you are today if not for who you were in the past. Your past experiences combined with all your memories are what make you you. To live in the past would be to walk backwards - you'll only get farther and farther away from those that were once right next to you. To live in the future would be to miss out on what is currently happening around you because you weren't truly there in the present to live and experience it all.

It's okay if you don't end up together forever, because in reality, no one knows what will happen in the future. If your fate with someone only goes this far, then there's nothing to be done about it. The only thing we can do is try our best to hold on tight and hope that it doesn't end. But perhaps one day, fate will let you meet again. Hopefully by then, you will be strong enough to grasp firmly onto that fate and follow after it.

Words like "together forever" and "I am not alone," they reflect the hopes and wishes of the people who say them. Everyone wants at least someone to be with them, "together and forever." Everyone wants to believe that they "are not alone." That's the reason why we meet people and establish friendships. We all lack confidence. We're all alone. With that said, hold on for as long as you can. If the time comes, let it go. You may never see it again, but like a bird that once stayed because of a broken wing, perhaps one day it will return.

In life, there are bound to be people you meet, spend time with, and never see again. On the other hand, that also means that there must be people that you'll meet, spend time with, and one day meet again.

Labels: appreciating, close to the heart, crying out to the center of the world, feelings, friendship, hopes and wishes, I don't wanna be..., living life, loneliness, memories, who you are, words

...but you can't see yourself.

I think that humans have the tendency to judge. We judge the people around us and deem them as either [in the most general sense] "people we agree with" or "people we disagree with". "Agreeing" or "disagreeing" with them simply means that we think their actions and behavior is justified, or that we think their actions and behavior is not justified for the situation.

Have you ever had anyone tell you not to do something, and then have you turn around and find them doing exactly what they had just told you not to do?

For these situations, there's that [harsh in some ways] saying:

Why don't you go look at yourself in the mirror?

It's rare [and I think even hard] to always look at and judge yourself while standing in the shoes of another. We like to think that we are "right" and they are "wrong", and it's human nature [I guess you could call it] to be ambitious and desire to win. However, I think that it is good to try to stand in the shoes of another [even if you think the shoes don't fit] and try to understand the acknowledge their point of view. I'm not saying that you have to agree with them - just try to be open-minded and accept their differing views on things.

At times, our parents might nag us and tell us not to do certain things and that it's "for our own good". As someone who has experienced that in the past, I personally don't think that "it's for your own good" is a very good reason to 'do' or 'not do' anything. I mean, what if someone told you to jump off a bridge because "it's for your own good"? You're obviously not going to do it, even if they actually "told you the reason" for doing it.
I think that some things in life we just have to find out for ourselves. Some day in the future, we might think back and say "I wish I had never done that," or "I wish I had done that differently", but that's the process of life. Throughout our lives, we'll make decisions and make mistakes, and build up on regrets for the future. There are times in life when you just really don't, can't, and won't take someone's word for something, but that's okay. If you make a bad choice, then you'll suffer the consequences. It's your life; live it your way.

Even if someone says that something is for our own good, don't let someone tell you what to do with our life and let them live it for you. It's okay to live you own way, make your own choices, do what you want to do. Sure, you'll make mistakes and have regrets, but as I said before: that's life.

Labels: acceptance, advice, controversies, experiences, judging, living life, reminders

...we don't say anything.

As if we don't exist. If we chose not to say anything, if we chose not to exist, then no one would have to deal with our differences, no one would feel trouble or inconvenienced by our opinions, and everyone else would be happy.

Yes, happy. Everyone else. Everyone else except ourselves. Probably. Or maybe we should just live our whole lives happily knowing that everyone else around us is happy. It seems that things used to be easier back then; why do things seem so much harder now?

Which way is better? Inconveniencing yourself for the sake of others to make them happy? Or inconveniencing others for the sake of making yourself happy? Which way is "the way" to live?
If we inconvenience ourselves, we'll stay on everyone's "good side," but some will say we are selfless, too selfless, even. Some may even encourage us to not be so selfless. But that's because they care for us, truly, and want us to be happy too.
If we inconvenience others, then people will say we are selfish. We'll be on everyone's "bad side," just because we don't know how to cooperate and be open to other ideas. People will talk about us behind our backs, and no one will want to come looking for us to do things, work together, etc. because they'll expect us to always care about ourselves first.


Most people are selfish, I think. There only seem to be a rare handful that can be defined as selfless. That's because being selfless is tiring. There are things you want to do, but you never really get to do them because there's always someone who wants to do something else and you always choose to let them have their way. You "don't care" about most things in order to let others do things their way and be able to express and get their own preferences. People continue to ask for your opinion, and you continue to not care. Being selfless, you will help others whenever they ask you to, even if it means having to stay up an extra hour in order to finish your own tasks. You think about others before you think about yourself. You try to choose your words wisely so that you won't upset anyone by saying the wrong thing. You care more about others than you do yourself, and you take care of others before heading back to take care of yourself. You're the person that everyone seems to depend on because they know that you can depend on you, that you'll always be there for them, that you'll always find a way to reach a hand out to them whenever they need you even if your hands were already full.

However if you are 'selfish,' you'll care about yourself first. You won't think much of helping other people; you just want to get what you want and be done with it. If there's someone else who needs help then well, maybe you'll come back later and help them if you're feeling charitable. You always express your opinions because you want to be heard, because you need to make sure that people know what you want and acknowledge what you think. You don't hesitate to argue for what you want and openly tell people what you want without any intention of backing down. You want people to give in and give up and admit that you are superior to them, that you are right.


So which is better? Which is right? Which way should we choose to live?

The world seemed to be so much better before, without the clash in opinions, without all this unwanted hate. Without these feelings of sadness, without these tears. Without saying words that could potentially hurt people even though we all know that I mean no harm, without losing that barrier of control that reminded me not to say the wrong things. Without these thoughts rushing through my head, without these tears that flow out from my eyes. Without this feeling that not a single person in this world understands me. Without realizing that I don't belong in this world. Without feeling that I really am that different.

The world is perfect when we don't say anything.

//

...we cry.

We cry because we feel pain ourselves.
We cry becaues we feel the pain of others.
We cry because we're sad, lonely, hurt, or misunderstood.
We cry because we no longer feel like we belong in this world.
We cry because we just want to disappear forever.


But why didn't I remember that there are people who cry "tears of joy"? Maybe that's because I've never cried tears of joy. Never.


I've only ever cried due to pain. The pain that I feel, and the pain of others.

So this is why we cry.

Labels: caring, happiness, living life, not caring, perfection, questions, reasons, selfishness, selflessness, the world